Saturday, June 04, 2005

The "Dump" and "To Do List" Update

I'm really in a frivolous mood at the moment despite having posted a pile of the usual angry political stuff. As I depart for the weekend, here's an incomplete roster of the current members (as I can recall) of my "Dump List" and "To Do List".

Oh, for those unfamiliar with the concept, the Dump List is the list of celeb babes for whom I'd kick Hermione to the curb (or in the case of Angelina Jolie, not take the time to shove her into traffic either) and the To Do List are those who I'd prolly just kick it a few times before coming back home to where the TV is.

(Before you start crying foul in defense of po' widdle Hermione, keep in mind that if Antonio Banderas, Daniel Day-Lewis, Adrian Brody or that Julian guy from "Nip/Tuck" were to come a-calling, I'd be forgotten faster a touring version of "The Vagina Monologues" starring Gore Vidal and Vin Diesel.)

DUMP LIST:
* Angelina Jolie
* Gina Gershon
* Salma Hayek
* Jenny McCarthy - she's funny
* Michelle Pfeiffer

TO DO LIST:
* Hillary Swank
* Nicole Kidman - but she's gotta start eating and get the red hair back
* Halle Berry - there's gotta be a reason guys keep cheating on her other than they're dogs, though.
* All the girls on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" except for Sarah Michelle Gellar, but especially Emma Caufield, Allyson Hannigan and Michelle Trachtenberg.
* Rebecca Romijn
* Charlize Theron - "Italian Job" look, not her "Monster" look.
* Christina Ricci - though her big round head makes it like doing Casper the Friendly Ghost.
* Lucy Liu
* Catherine Zeta-Jones - she needs to remember what a younger man can do to her.
* Linda Park and Jolene Blalock - Beam me up, hotties!

There is also the Not Even List, populated with those considered hot by many, but not by me.

NOT EVEN LIST:
* Winona Ryder - she used to be on the Dump List, but years of doing drugs with Courtney Love have ruined her - a tragedy.
* Janeane Garofalo - I used to think she was cute and witty, but now she's a bitter fascist crank and the blonde hair is self-loathing in action.
* Pamela Anderson - Fake, plastic, Tommy Lee.
* Paris Hilton - Diseased. I feel like jabbing a hypo full of penicillin into my eyeballs when I see her.
* Britney Spears - She used to be on To Do, but she's too trashy (bad sense) for me now. She most likely won't be a MILF.

I know I'm forgetting a lot, but that's what running updates are for! Have a great weeekend!

UPDATE: Hermione says that Sawyer from "Lost" and James Marsters (Spike on Buffy/Angel) are way above Julian Nip/Tuck on her list. Well, nnnnnnyeah.

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