Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Hey, Kids! Cheaters ALWAYS Win!!! (Right, Barry?)

I've always wondered why parents tell their children patently untrue things in an effort to keep them on the straight and narrow; to make them better citizens or some such rot.

My favorite example of a truism at odds with reality has been "Cheaters never win." It's meant to impart the concept that a victory attained by dishonest means is not a true accomplishment and that they should strive to succeed honestly in order to be able to truly savor the accomplishment.

What a load of hooey.

Barry Bonds just hit his 756th home run a little while ago. Note that I phrased it that way instead of the way it'll be written up in tomorrow's papers: BONDS BREAKS AARON'S HR RECORD! That was a deliberate commentary via proper word selection.

Now, there is no one who doesn't think that Bonds didn't use life-threatening levels of steroids and other performance enhancing methods to hit this mark. (Babe Ruth was drunk, not juiced. If anything, he could've hit more runs if he was sober.) To celebrate this as anything other than another nail in the coffin for professional sports - since they're now little more than pro wrestling in matching uniforms - would be pathetic.

Whether it's crooked, Mobbed-up basketball refs; dogfighting QBs; or 'roided-up cheaters, sports are a multi-billion-dollar whorehouse that siphons fortunes in municipal monies to fund the stadiums for these millionaire mutants to wage their gladiatorial exhibitions within. Civic pride hinges on sports titles, not safe neighborhoods or quality schools. Detroit was just named the #1 Sports City by the Sporting News, even with the gawdawful Lions skewing the curve. Sure, everything else sucks about the town. At least the fans can wave their foam fingers with pride about something, right?

Kids aren't stupid; they pick up on the hypocrisies of their elders and as Bonds is feted as King Baseball, they'll learn what their parents were trying to disabuse them of taking to heart...

Cheaters. ALWAYS. Win.

What's the point of cheating if it didn't pay off somehow? Duh. Cheaters cheat to win and when they get away with it, it makes all the cheating worthwhile.

Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig should've gotten to the bottom of the BALCO business and either cleared or banned Bonds before it came to this moment. A nice big f*cking asterisk would be a start, but won't be enough to erase the stigma and shame Bonds will carry for eternity as many will refuse to pretend that he is worthy of honor.

Meanwhile, kids everywhere will put down their Wheaties spoons and load up their syringes with HGH. If it's good enough for Barry...


UPDATE: Given her history of criminal enterprise, should it be a surprise that Nancy Pelosi said:

"Tonight, Barry Bonds etched his name into baseball's history books and took his rightful place among sport's immortals. It was a great night for baseball and a great night for San Francisco..."
Better living through chemistry, indeed.

The NY Post puts it in a more proper perspective:

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