Sunday, December 28, 2008

Dirk Mini-Reviews 13 Movies For You!

Just catching up on the backlog, in case you're at your Netflix queue on another browser tab and stumped for what to pick next.

11:14 - Oddball indie with a surprising cast including Patrick Swayze, a seriously drabbed-down Hillary Swank and a awesomely sluttied-up Rachael Leigh Cook with the intertwined events surrounding the titular time shown from multiple points of view. Some of the timing doesn't quite work, especially at the end, but it's goofy enough to breeze by the illogical bits. 7/10

The Dark Knight - You've seen it and already know what you think about it, but it moves even faster on the second viewing and if Heath Ledger doesn't get the Oscar, something is seriously wrong. Get it on Blu-ray if you've got the hardware to play it. 10/10

Eagle Eye - Fast-moving, if ultimately preposterous thriller with Shia LaBeef(sp?) as a guy being bossed around by a omnipotent voice on the phone. (No, not Mr. Moviephone.) When the big secret and plot's endgame are revealed, it may make you want to throw up your hands in dismay, but if you roll with it, it's OK. 7/10

Feast II: Sloppy Seconds - The first Feast was a nifty cult gem borne of the final Project Greenlight competition and the same writers and director come back to continue the story. Unfortunately, this episode is heavy on the spurting monster fluids and light on the wit of the original. I was surprised the same writing team typed this script; I'd thought they been replaced by a Cobb salad or hamsters. Even some late-game biker chick nudity can't salvage this letdown. 4/10

The Gene Generation - If it wasn't for a hot, sweaty Bai Ling in various saucy outfits and a couple of cool, very brief, action bits, this movie is all sorts of lame and stupid. Low-budget and looking it; very poor, Playstation 2 cut scene-looking CGI FX; idiotic plot; poor plotting; bad acting; lame, lame, LAME!

But, boy is Bai Ling hot. I'm tempted to edit this down to just her scenes. Not enough nudity, though. Brief tantalizing moments of pencil eraser nipple glory, but not enough. 3/10

Grizzly Man - Werner Herzog's documentary about a dumb hippie schmuck who goes to Alaska to commune with the grizzly bears and ends up getting torn to pieces and eaten by one is the feel good heart-warming comedy of the year! No, really. This guy is such a grating bonehead, you're rooting for his demise from the first moment you see his dumb, dead ass. 8/10

The House Bunny - Revenge of the Nerds gets a gender swap and a dose of Legally Blonde in this peppy, albeit formulaic, comedy. Anna Faris is bubbly fun as the Playmate-wannabe turned sorority house mother and Emma Stone (also in Superbad and The Rocker) is shaping up to be Lindsey Lohan 2.0, hopefully without having Paris Hilton turn her into a crack whore. 7/10

Lars and the Real Girl - Quirky indie about a odd duck who orders a lifelike sex doll and how a whole town caters to his fantasy could've been a sneering put down of small town folks, but instead comes of a sweet and low key. 7/10

Running Scared - Paul Walker finally doesn't totally suck in this gritty, over-the-top violent tale of a missing gun and a little boy. Directed by Wayne Kramer (not the MC5 gutarist; the director of The Cooler), it feels more like a Joe Carnahan (Narc) movie, but it works out fairly well. 7/10

Step Brothers - Much funnier than I expected with Will Farrell and John C. Reilly basically acting like bratty 10-year-old boys, but they're 40. Rude and crude and it delivers the laughs. Not a classic, but worth a rental. 7/10

Surviving Christmas - My girlfriend told me this wasn't as bad as the Ben Affleck/James Gandolfini vehicle's universal critical drubbing and box office failure would indicate and she was right. It stumbles a bit toward the end as the Formula Police from the studio probably mandated, but it's got some nice acid-tinged humor and good performances. 6/10

Teeth - Indie flick about a teenaged chick who is a virgin and then discovers that she has choppers in her hoohaw, which come in handy during the multiple times Evil Males take advantage of her. A one-gag movie that doesn't really go anywhere, though star Jess Weixler will freak you out with her resemblance to Heather Graham. 5/10

Traitor - Don Cheadle stars as a former American soldier who appears to have joined a radical Muslim terorist group. While the twists and turns were fairly predictable, it's a well-balanced story which will surely disappoint those looking for the usual America-bashing undertones, which is why the reviews were mixed by the usual liberal critics. Check it out. 8/10


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the reviews. I am running out of ideas for good movies to watch over the holiday break.

Four Foot Fang said...

You been reviewing behind mah back.

Mchatin is not amused.